A Love Like This...

Puisi ini dibuat khusus untuk film Before Sunrise (1995), one of my all-time-favorite movies. Tiba-tiba aja saya teringat dan nggak tahan untuk nggak mem-post puisi ini sekarang juga.

So, enjoy!

Delusion Angel

Daydream delusion,
limousine eyelash,
oh, baby with your pretty face,
drop a tear in my wineglass,
look at those big eyes,
see what you mean to me,
sweet cakes and milkshakes,
I am a delusioned angel,
I am a fantasy parade,
I want you to know what I think,
dont want you to guess anymore,
you have no idea where I came from,
we have no idea where we're going,
launched in life,
like branches in the river,
flowing downstream,
caught in the current,
I'll carry you, you'll carry me,
that's how it could be,
don't you know me?
don't you know me by now?

"Not Now!"

Have you ever put a really high hope on something, saying "I'll make it this time!" that when it fails to fulfill your hope you just want to scream (or actually scream) "Not now!" and feel like jumping off the top of one of those massive skyscrapers?

I bet you have. It just happened to me, myself and it wasn't the first time. This time, it is not exactly something important. In fact it's nothing, really, compared to other things I keep failing at like, say...my schooling. But it's another story. The star of the story today is my brownies. Crappy-tasting brownies, that are eatable and definitely edible, but fail terribly to satisfy myself.

You see, lately I've been pretty 'busy' trying my hand at cake-making for a while now. And so far, none has been fully satisfactory. It's either bad recipe, missing egg yolks or wrong ingredient substitute. I mean, WTF? It's not the first time I give my self a shot at cooking. In fact I've made a really, really good cheesecake, one that tastes like Secret Recipe's Marble Cheesecake except that it's a New York Cheesecake.

This series of failures, with the 'help' of the hormone attack going on inside me, has successfully made me question the chance of me ever becoming a good cook. A label I've been longing for since I was like 5..

My good senses keep telling me that nothing is impossible as long as I give my best at it. I just need to keep cooking, sharpen my taste bud and do all the other things it takes me with strong will. There will be so many series of even worse chaos, and I'll have to prepared to face them. But this senseless heart finds it hard to trust even myself, in anything. She's afraid of failing. It hurts way too bad, she can't take it. Not now.

It's only some stupid brownies and it already brings so much disappointment. How is she ever going to survive in the world out there?

There's no helping it. She's got to learn to handle it - whatever it is - now, or whenever.

Real Countdown

I know nobody gives a damn about my blog, not even me. But it's time I gave out real stories or quick infos on what's been going on for some time now.

Let the countdown begin!

#5

New Home

So I'm no longer living in the house I grew up - the only house I've ever lived in until I moved out last month. My new neighborhood is only like 20 minutes away from my old house, though. So almost nothing changed. And I honestly don't miss my old house at all.

Isn't it weird?

Well, maybe it's not. I had very little "memories" with the house and they are either faint or simply too terrible, I couldn't forget. So, what to miss?

#4

New Spirit

It shouldn't have made the list but my list need a number four so...yea.

My moving in to a new house made a new highpoint in my life. I was so full of excitement, and being aware of it, I decided to make it my turning point. I set up goals and use all of my excitement-supported energy to reach 'em.

Sadly enough, the excitement didn't last long, and the energy drained quickly as it failed to find a replacement.

But there's still a good news. I managed to get something real out of my excessive excitement - I developed new good habits and doings which still last to-date. I'm proud of myself, because it's usually hard for me to do something monotonous and not quit after a while. I won't tell what they are cos it's not really important. I know what I do and that's more than enough.

#3

New Positivity

It came in one package with #4. I finally see things I haven't seen in a long time, again. Things I have long refused to believe in. Possibilities that the world offer. And the belief that hard work will pay off.

#2 #1

Are yet to be discovered!

LOL; World's Best Insults

1. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.

2. I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
3. Don’t let your mind wander; it’s far too small to be let out on its own.
4. You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best.
5. Pardon me, but you’re obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn

6. If I want shit from you, I’ll squeeze your head.

7. I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.
8. I can tell that you are lying; your lips are moving.
9. He always finds himself lost in thought; it’s unfamiliar territory.

This one's not much of an insult but I still love it:

10. I like dogs too. Let’s exchange recipes.

Source: BillySpinner.com

Hormone Attack!

I don't know if it's the same case with most girls but yea, I get one of those ever two weeks. And it's always bad. Really bad...

I sometimes wonder if it has something to do my lack of "human contact" - you see, all the passions growing inside me are kept by force, unnourished, in a rather small and over-crowded environment: my own head, my family's...whatever they've got in there and my surroundings - actual places around me and places I've been to.

As for the passions I leave in those "places I've been to" they've become so unreachable, I can't quite say if they're still in good shape. Like my passion for backpacking that I left in Bali 2 years ago (sigh).

Anyways, I came to the conclusion that I need to see more people and places, find more space for my unsatisfied passions, where they can properly grow.

But, OK, enough digression. The title's "Hormone Attack!" right? The whole I-need-more-space-for-my-ever-growing-passions talk is getting too deep, I've forgotten what I was going to write about in the first place.

Grrr...

See? All this hormone thing really sucks - I can't even stick to what I was going to write.

Or is it just me?